Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
