Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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