Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
