I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We need a shit load of segways right now
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
