We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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