Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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