The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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