the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
