im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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