Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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