Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I party with great urgency now.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
