I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
