Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
