We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
