My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
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