Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
