When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
