Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
