I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I wish i was in the wii world.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
