It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
