direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
