I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
