i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
