vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
