He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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