Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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