I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
