We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
