I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
