he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
