DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
