ya dads aren't the best wingmen
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
