Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
