ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
if only i could text you this smell
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
