xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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