if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
