she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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