its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
