We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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