I only kidnapped one of them. chill
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
