They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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