Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Randomize
