Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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