These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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