Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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