Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize