if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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