Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She told me I should be a condom model.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
