Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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