So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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