Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
