I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
