I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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