Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
